i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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