my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
