as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
