Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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