He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
