I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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