If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
