Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
