Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
