Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
