I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
