I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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