I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
