I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
