just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
