Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
