Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
