no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
