You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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