I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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