Your tits are I can't wait for
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
