Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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