Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
