She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize