The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
