I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
NoShamevember. You game?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
