i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
