she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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