And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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