I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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