I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
