I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
