dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
