You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
