Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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