Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
