Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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