a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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