If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
