We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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