I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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