It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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