he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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