im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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