Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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