My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
