never play flip cup with pint glasses
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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