I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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