I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
