just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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