She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
