After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
