Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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