My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
