her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
