okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
