i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
