i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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