They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
