OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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