I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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