So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I didn't notice because vodka
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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