I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
