Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
