I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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